- "I can't believe this former cheerleader is attracted to me!"
- "Finally, sex without guilt."
- "My family might be happy if I choose him."
- "I feel safe when I'm with her."
- "She really admires me!"
- "With my help he'll be successful (and then I'll feel successful)."
Thursday, December 27, 2007
Marriage as Survival: I marry in order to stay alive.
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
A Quote from Gerald May
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Marriage as Survival, Enrichment, and/or Formation
In my previous entry I described three core values that shape life: survival, enrichment, and/or formation. I also said that I believe a person's life will be fundamentally shaped by which of these three values he or she chooses to place at the center.
When I take this idea and apply it to marriage, I come up with three core reasons to be in a committed relationship:
- Marriage as Survival - I marry in order to survive.
- Marriage as Enrichment - I marry in order to be happy.
- Marriage as Formation - I marry in order to mature.
I'll be using my next three entries to say a bit more about each of these.
Thursday, December 6, 2007
Survival, Enrichment, and Formation
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Ethics and Anxiety
- I must never use the natural power differential in my relationship to a client for personal advantage.
- An effective therapy relationship is redemptive for the client.
These principals, like all principals, require that the clinician be quite mature and exercise careful judgment. However, as Jesus pointed out on more than a few occasions, we humans don't like principals. They make us anxious. We prefer rules. Rules are much safer.
So, ethics boards, at least therapy ethics boards come up with rules like, "No dual relationships." This means that I'm not supposed to be a therapist for, say, my proctologist. The fear is that I, as a therapist, MIGHT be tempted to parlay my special relationship with this good doctor into a FREE PROCTOLOGY EXAM!
Now, there's no doubt that clinicians have fallen prey to such temptations. I suspect that its been more common for a clinician to get an extra good deal from a client who is a car salesman that from said medical expert, but you get my point.
Well, this sort of stuff makes ethics boards anxious, and so rules are produced... like...
- Since there are a few idiotic and unethical clinicians among us who abuse client relationships, we're going to decide that all of you don't have enough sense to use good judgement.
Because I DO happen to be a reactive, narcsissitic maverick who tends to think that rules are for everyone else, I figure I need to see if there is hard research other there that actually speaks to the validity of the sort of ethics dictums that are common. I've done some initial research on my own. I can't find anything.
So, if you know of research - good scientific method type research - related to these concerns, would you please make note of that in the comments section?
Friday, September 7, 2007
Redemptive Confrontation
Thursday, September 6, 2007
A few resources that might interest you...
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
50 Things Project: Ready for Field Testing
- Download and print two copies of the inventory (one for you and one for your spouse or significant other.
- Fill it out and score it.
- Report your scores in the comment section of this blog (PLEASE NOTE: I've changed my settings so You don't have to have a google account to leave comments, and you can leave comment anonymously.)
- If you are willing, would you also rate your marital satisfaction on a scale of 1 to 10? (1 = I'd rather be force-fed twinkies than spend another day with this person . 10 = Heaven couldn't possibly be better than my marriage)
- Leave any comments and suggestions regarding what it was like to actually take the inventory.
Here's how to report in order to make it most useful to me:
- His score = 110
- Her score = 127
- Total score = 237
- Marital Satisfaction = 7
- Comments: Sometimes we had to admit that the other's answer was more right about us than what we thought about ourselves (and we gave 3 points for the answer). Sometimes we had trouble coming up with the correct answer about ourselves.
Thanks for hanging in with me on this!
Thursday, July 26, 2007
50 Things You Should Know about Your Spouse: Next Step
Sunday, July 15, 2007
THE 50 Things "You Should Know about Your Spouse" PROJECT
- What is your spouse's social security number?
- In what city was your spouse born?
- What is your spouse's blood type?
- What does your spouse feel is his or her greatest personal strength?
- What is your spouse's earliest childhood memory?
- Which celebrity does your spouse find most attractive?
- What was the most meaningful gift your spouse ever received?
- What is the most outrageous, out of character thing your spouse has ever done?
- What food does your spouse absolutely hate?
- What is your spouse’s favorite food or meal?
- What is his/her favorite dessert?
- What's your spouse's typical position for sleep (left side, right side, back)?
- What is your spouse’s favorite pastime activity or favorite hobby?
- If your spouse had the job of his/her dreams, what would it be?
- Where is your spouse’s favorite vacation spot?
- What is your spouse’s political affiliation?
- What is your spouse’s primary task at his or her job?
- Which sock does your spouse put on first?
- Would your spouse say he/she is more like his/her mother or his/her father?
- What was your spouse’s favorite childhood pet?
- Who was your spouse’s best friend(s) in high school?
- Does/Did your spouse have any odd or funny nicknames?
- What dates does your spouse remember best?
- How many times per month would your spouse like to have sex?
- What make & model was your spouse’s first car?
- What color was your spouse’s first car?
- What was your spouse’s first job?
- Who was your spouse’s best friend(s) in college?
- What is your spouse's mother's maiden name?
- What is your spouse's most enjoyable vacation activity?
- What colleges did your spouse apply to other than the one he/she attended?
- What is your spouse's most disturbing recurring dream (or nightmare)?
- What is your spouse's all-time favorite film?
- What is your spouse's most decadent fantasy?
- What part of your spouse's body who he or she say is the his/her most attractive feature?
- What is the one thing that your spouse does that annoys you the most?
- Could your spouse deal with it if all you could do was cuddle?
- How would your spouse describe his or her most pressing sexual frustration?
- What is your spouse's most attainable secret desire or goal?
- If your spouse could be any celebrity, who would he or she want to be?
- If your spouse could simply wake-up in any part of the world and enjoy a week of exploring, what location would it be (travel cost and time being no object)?
CAN YOU HELP ME WITH A FEW MORE? I'll post the results right here...
P.S. Can anyone explain why, when I publish this post, that the numbers on the list are replaced by them little flowers?